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About The Hillsboro argus. (Hillsboro, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (May 9, 1901)
f FROM IP000II0USE BY MARY CHAPTER I. "Wilt mikes yoo keep that big blue snnbonnet drawn o closely ever yen (tf? Are you afraid of having it eea?" The person iddmrnd n a pal, sick ly looking child about Bint years of at, who on the deck of tho vessel Winder mere, wai gasing Intently toward the dis tant ah or of old England, fast receding from view. Near her a fine-looking boy f foartten waa atanding. trying in rain to gain a look at the feature ahaded by the gingham bonnet. At the aound of his voice the little girl titled, and without turning her head, replied, "Nobody wanta to tee ma, I ant 00 ugly and disagreeable." "Ugly, are you?" repeated the boy, lift ing her up and looking her fully in the face. "Well, you are iit very hand some, that's a fact, but I wouldn't be sul len about it. Ugly people are alwaya mart, and perhaps you are. Anyway, 1 like little girls, so just let me sit her and get acquainted.' Mary Howard waa certainly not Tery handsome. Her features, though tolera bly regular, were small and tain, her complexion sallow, and her eyes, though bright and expressive, seemed too large for her face. She had frequently been told that she waa homely, and often when alone bad wept, and wondered why she, too, was not handsome like her sister Ella, on whom cheek the softest rose waa blooming, while her rich brawn hair fell in wavy masses about her white neck and shoulder. But if Ella was more beau tiful than Mary, there waa far less in her character to admire. She knew that ah was pretty, and this made her proud and selfish, expecting attention from all. and growing sullen if it was withheld. Mrs. Howard, the mother of these chil dren, had incurred the displeasure of her father, a wealthy Englishman, by mar rying her music teacher. Humbly at her father's feet she had knelt and sued for pardon, but the old man waa ineiorable and turned her from his house. I -ate in life he had married a youthful widow, who, after the lapse of a few years died, leaving three little girls, Sarah, Ella and Jane, two of them hia own, and on a atepdaughter and a child of hia wife'a first marriage, Aa a last request Mrs. Temple had asked that her baby Jan should be given to the rare of her sister, Mrs. Morris, who wss on the ere of em barking for America. Sarah, too, waa adopted by her father'a brother, and thus Mr. Temple wss left alone with his eld est danghter, Ella. Occasionally he heard from Jane, but time and distance gradu ally weakened the tie of parental affec tion, which wound itself more closely around Ella; and now, when ahe, too, left liira, and worse than all, married a poor music teacher, the old man a wrath knew no bounila. "But we'll ne?," said he "we'll see how they get on. I'll use all my influence against the dog, and when Miss Ella's right cold and hungry she 11 be glad to come back and leave him. But he waa mistaken, for though right cold and hungry Ella oftentimes was, ahe only clung the closer to her husband, happy to share his fortune, whatever it might be. Two years after her marriage, hearing that her father waa dangerously 111, shs went to him, but the forgiveness she so ardently desired was never gained, for the old man's reason was gone. Faith fully she watched until the end, and then when she beard read his will and knew that his property wss all bequeathed to her sister in America, she brushed the tears from her long eyelashes and went back to her humble home prepared to meet the worst. la course of time three children, Frank, Mary and Ella, were added to their inn ber, and though their presence brought sunshine and gladness, it brought also in increase of toil and care. Tear after ' year Mr. Howard struggled on, while each day rumors reached him of the plenty to be had in the land beyond the aea; and at last, when hope seemed dying out, he resolved to try his fortune in the far-famed home of the weary emigrant The necessary preparations for their voy age were made as soon as possible, and when the Windermere left the harbor of Liverpool they stood upon her deck, waving a last adieu to the few kind friends who on shore were bidding them godspeed. Among the passengers was George Morelsnd, whose parents had died some months before, leaving him and a large fortune to the guardianship of his uncle, a weslthy merchant residing in Boston. This uncle, Mr. Selden, had written for hia nephew to Join him in America, and It was for this purpose that George bad taken passage in the Windermere. He waa a frank, generous-hearted boy, and t favorite with all who knew him. He waa a passionate admirer of beauty, and the moment the Howards came on board and he caught sight of EUn, he felt irre sistibly attracted toward her. Mary, whose sensitive nature shrank from the observation of strangers, eluded all his efforts to look under her bonnet This aroused his curiosity, and when he fol lowed her addressed to her the remark with which we commenced this chapter. At last, gently smoothing back her hair, which waa really bright and glossy, be said, "Who told you that yon were ao ugly looking?" The tears started to Mary's eyes, and her chin quivered, as she replied, "Father aaya so, Ella says ao, and everybody say to but mother and Franky." "Everybody doesn't always tell the truth," said George, wishing to admin ister as much comfort as possible. "You've got pretty blue eyes, nice brown hair, and your forehead, too, la broad and high; now if you hadn't such a tr.nd dy complevion, bony cheeks, little nose, big ears and awful teeth, yon wouldn't be such a fright!" George propensity to tease had come npon him, and in enumerating the defects in Mary'a face he purposely magnified them; but be regretted it, when he saw the effect his words produced. Hiding her face In her hands, Mary burst Into a passionate fit of weeping, then snatching the bonnet from George's lap, she threw It on her head and was hurrying away when George caught her and pulling her back, said, "Forgive me, Mary. I could not help plaguing you a little, but I'll try and not do it again." For a time George kept this resolution, but he could nut conceal the preference which he felt for Ella, whose doll-like face and childish ways were far more In keeping with his taste than Mary'a Id look. Whenever he noticed her at II, he spoke kindly to her; but she knew there was a great difference between his treatment of her and Ella, and ofttimes, when saying her evening prayer, she pray' that George Moreland might love fear little, Juat little. TO PALACE J. HOLMES Tw weeks had pissed tine the last vestige f lead had disappeared frets view, and the George was taken dan gerously ill with fever. Mrs. Howard herself visited him freqneatly, but ah commanded her children t keep away, lest they, too, ahould take the dine. For a day r tw Mary byed her moth er, and then curiosity led her near Geergt'i berth. For veral minute shs lingered, and waa about turning away when a lew msaa fall on her ear and ar rested her footstep. Her mother' earn maada were forgotten, aad la a moment the atoed by George's bedside. Tender ly she smoothed hit tumbled pillow, moistened his parched lipa and bathed hit feverish brow, aad when aa hour af terward, the physician entered, he found hia patient calmly sleeping, with eae hand clasped In that f Mary. "Mary! Mary Howard!" aald the phy sician, "this Is no place for you, aad he endeavored to lead her away. This aroused George, who begged t hard for her t remain that the physi cian went in quest of Mrs. Howard, who rather unwillingly consented, aad Mary was duty installed as nurse. Perfectly delighted with her new vocatioa, the would ait for hours by her charge, 8a possessed a very sweet, clear voice: and frequently, when all other meaaa had failed to quiet him, she would band her face tear hia. and taking hw hands la hers, would sing to him some simple song of home, until lulled by the soft mttsie he would fsll away to aleep. Such un wearied kindness waa not without It ef fect upon George, and one day when Mary as nsnal was sitting near him, he railed her to hia aide, and taking her face between his hinds, kissed her foreheed and Hps. saying, "What can I ever do to pay my little nurse for her kindness?" Mary hesitated a moment and then replied, "Love me aa well aa yon da Ella!" "As well aa I do Ella!" he repeated; "I love you a great deal better. She hat not been to tee me once. What la the reatoa?" Frank, who a moment before had stol en to Mary's slds, answered, saying, "Someone told Ella that If ah ahould have the fever, her curlr would all drop off; and ao ahe won't come near yon!" Just then Mrs. Howard appeared, and thla time ah waa accompanied by Ella, who dung closely to her mother skirts. George did not aa utual caret her, but he aaked her mockingly, "if her hair had commenced coming out!" while Ella only answered by grasping at her long curia, at if to restaur herself of their safety. In a few day George wa able to go on deck, aad though he still petted aad played with Ella, he aever agala alight ed Mary. At laet. after maay weary days, there came the Joyful newt that land was in aight; and next morning Bos ton, with Itt numeront dome and spires, was before them. Toward aooa a pleas ant looking, miodie-agsd man cam ea board. Inquiring for George Merelatd, tad announcing himself at Mr. Selden. George immediately stepped forward, and after greeting hit uncle, introduced Mr. and Mrs. Howard, apeaklng at the same time of their kindness to him during hia Illness. All wat now confusion, but in the hurry and bustle of going ashore George did not forget Mary. Taking her aside he threw round her neck a small golden chain, to which wat attach ed a locket containing a miniature like ness of himself painted a year before. "Keep it" said be, "to remember me by, or if you get tired of it five It to Ella for a plaything." "I wish I had on for you," aaid Mary, and George replied, "Never mind, I eat remember your lookt without a likeness." Then bidding adltu to Mr. and Mrs. Howard, Frank and Ella, he sprang into his uncle's carriage and waa rapidly driven away. Mary looked after him as long as the heads of the whit horses were In sight and then taking Frank's hand, followed her parents to the hotel, where for a few dtyt they had deter mined to stop while Mrs. Howard made inquiries for her titter. Meantime from the windowa of a large, handsome building a little girl looked out, impatiently waiting her father's re turn, wondering why hs was gone so long snd if she should like her cousin George. In the center of the room the dinner table was standing, and Ma Selden lad twice changed the location of her cousin's plate, once placing it at her aide, and lastly putting it directly in front, ao ahe could have a fair view of hia face. "Why don't they come?" ahe had said for the twentieth time, when the sound of carriage wbeela in the yard below made ber start up, and, running down stairs, she waa soon shaking the hands of her cousin, whom she decided to be handsome. Placing her arm affectionate ly around him, ahe led him into the par lor, saying: "I am so glsd that you hare come to live with me and be my brother. We'll have real nice timet, but perhaps you dislike little girls. Did you ever tee one that you loved?" "Yes, two," wat the anawer. " My cousin Ida and one ether." "Oh, who la ahe?" asked Ida. "Tell me about her. How does the look? It she pretty T' George told her of Mary,- who bad watched so kindly over him during the weary days of his illness. "I know I should like her," Ida said, "They are poor, you say, and Mr. How ard is a music teacher. Monsieur Da- pres hst Just left me, and who knows but papa can get Mr. Howard to 111 hit place." When the subject was referred to her father he said thst he had liked the an- pearance of Mr. Howard, aad would, If possible, find him on the morrow aad ea gage his services. The next morning the sky was dark with angry clouds, from which the rsin wss steadily falling. All thoughts of Mr, Howsrd were given np for that day, and as every moment of Mr. Selden s time wss employed for sev eral successive ones, it wat netrly a week after George's srrlral before any inquiries were made for the family. The hotel at which tbey had atopped was then found, but Mr. Selden waa told that tha persons whom he was seeking had left the day before for one - of the inland towns, though which one he could not as- certain, CHAPTER II. It was the afternoon for the regular meeting of the Ladles Sewing Society in the little village of Cblcopee, and at the usual hour groups of ladies were teen wending their wty toward the tttttly mansion of Mrs. Campbell, the wealth!' est and proudest lady In town. The spa cious sitting room, the music room ad' joining, and the wide, cool hall hayead war thrown pa to all, tad by tars 'eleefc-thsy were nearly filled. At first there wis almost perfect si- leaca, area ealy by a whisper or un dertone, bat gradually tht ham ot voice Increased, until at last there waa a great deal mar talking than working. Thsa far a time ther waa agala tllaac while Mrs. Johnson, prasldoat t th clety, tald of th extrem deatltutloa la which th had that moratag fouad a poor Ear llth family was had mevtd lata the vil lage tw ar three years before. They had managed to eara a comfortable liv ing until th husband aad father tuddea ly died, else which time th wife's health had heea very rapidly failing, and th wat a longer able te work, but wat wholly dependent for subsistence npoa th exertion of her eldest child, Frank, aad the charity af th villager. Th day hefor th sewing society Frank had bee take seriously 111 with what threatened to be scarlet fever. Th alck worn a a la wham Mrs. Jena- soa waa t much Interested waa Mr. Heward. All taqairlt fr her titters had baea fruitless. Slac w last aaw them a sickly baby had bee added te their number. With motherly ear Uttl Mirv each day washed tad dressed It aad thea hoar after hear tarried It la her arm, trying ta still Its feeble moans, which fell aa sadly oa the ear af her la- valid mother. It wat a tmalL law building which they inhabited, containing but en room aad a bedroom, which they had ceased te eccupy. for oae by oae each article et furniture htd been told, until at laat Mra. Howard lay npoa a rude lounge, which Frank had mad from soms rough board. I'atil midnight th little feUow tolled, aad thea when hit work wat don crept tart ly ta th cupboard, where lay on allce of bread, th only article of food which the house contained. I-oog aad wistfully ha looked at it, thinking how good It would taate; but one glance at th pal face near decided him. "Tbey need It more than I," tttd he, tnd taming resa Intely away, he prayed that he "might aleep pretty aooa aad forget how hungry be waa." On morning when he attempted ta rise he felt oppressed with a languor he had aever experienced, and turning oa hia trundle-bed tnd adjusting hit blue cotton jacket, hia only pillow, he agala slept so souadly thtt Mary waa obliged t call him twice ere ahe aroused him. That aight he ceme home wild with de light "he had earned a whole dollar, and he knew how he could earn taother half dollar to-morrow. Oh. I wtah It would come quick," aaid he. aa he related hit uccesa to hi mother. ' But altt! th morrow found him burn ing with fever, and when he attempted to tttnd he found it Impossible to do to. A ctee of scarlet fever had appeared la the village, aad it loot became evident thtt th disesse htd faatened npon Fraak. The morning following the sew ing society Ell Campbell aad tevsral ther rhildrea showed symptom of th tarn disease, aad la the season f gen eral sickaesa which followed few were left to care for the poor widow. Dally little Fraak grew worse. The dollar he had earned waa gone, the basket of pro vlaioaa Mn. Johnson had senfwss gene, and when for milk baby Alice cried, there waa none to give her. (Te be continued.) SEEM ALIVE, THOUGH DEAD. Iaataacea la IChlck Ceraaea Have Had the BeasblaBce af Ufa. Live peraotM hav feigned death with marveioue exactness, but when the dead feign life, or teem to feign Ufa, tha spectacle la it grewsome can well be Imagined. Not long 8(0 a Russian cemetery was the ocen of it weird a weeding at ever hit been witnessed. A young girl who had been betrothed died on the eve of her marriage and her friends decided that, In spite of the intervening hand of death, ber marriage must take place. The wedding ceremony wia performed at the tide of the grave, and after the marriage the body was re turned to the coffin and lowered to Itt long retting place. It la not long ago that a valuable cup waa won In a bicycle race In Australia by a aaan who waa dead when be pitt ed tb winning poet The race took place at an "electric light carnival," to called. In the presence of 10,000 spec tator. In the last Up Jamea Soiner vllle, a rider, forged to th front and secured such a lead that bit victory waa assured When within twenty five yards of the finish be wat teen to relax hi hold on the handle bar and tone hit footing en the pedala. He did not fall from the machine, however, and amid frantic cheers daahed by the goal, winning the race by half a wheel. A be pitted the finishing pott h pitched forwirJ and fell to the ground. When he waa picked up be wa found dead, and what waa more the doctor declared that death bad come to him when he waa teen to lose hi hold of the handle bar. It waa a dead body that had ridden the list twenty live yard of the race. On a recent voyage the sealing schooner Arletli wat crnltlng about 200 mile off the coast of Brltlth Colum bia, when the alghted a dismantled hip. The Arietla bore down npon the derelict, and it the got near enough a man waa teen on board grasping tha wheel and apparently tteerlng th craft No other sign of man wa teen on the ship. The man at the wheel wa balled, but returned no anawer jutt stood ther looking straight ahead. A boat waa lowered and the mysterious blp boarded. When tbey came cloee to the man at the wheel they saw with horror that he wat dead and had evi dently been dead for mtny day. The ship which waa named the General SI; tin, had sailed from San Francisco for Alaaka. She had clearly been blsmsn tled In a gale and then abandoned by her crew. The captain bad refused to leave the ship, and, finding hit strength falling, be bad laabed himself to th wheel and literally died at hi post, steering hit craft for hundreds of mllea with bandt thtt held the wheel In at firm a grip aa when alive. Since the plague baa been prevalent In India eearchlng partlea go through the village Inspecting the bouses with the idea of teeing that all esses of death by th plague are reported to the authorities. On entering a suspected house one day the Inspectors saw s group of natives playing cards. Some thing in the appearance of one of the players attracted the attention of one of the Inspectors, who placed his hand upon the man's shoulder. To bit amazement the man swayed and fell to the floor. Upon examination It was found that be bad been dead some time, but In order to avoid hiring the house marked at plague-etrlcken the other In mate) had concealed the fact of hit death. Chicago Chronicle. Crvd of tbo r-" ej If a recent report from London, Ky that the Baker Howard feud ha two finally settled la correct It will put nn end to a warfare which haa lasted for mote ttiiitt thirty years, which has coat the lives of more than thirty men. and has several time necessitated tbe rail ing out of the State troop with gatltng Cutis ami loaded rifle. "Bloody Clay" County, th scene of tbe famous feud, la perhaps tbe moat remarkable as It Is one ot tbe best known count lea In the country. There Is not a tulle of railroad or own a wagon bridge with its limit. Tbe whole country la covered with high hills, to close together that It I de clared there Is uot a piece of level land In the county a sixth of t mile square. Down and between all these wood-covered hills are the beds of streams which are dry in summer time and ire turned Into roaring torrents lu the spring and winter. The people of Clay County travel either on horseback or on foot. and they use the bed of those stream In the place of roads. Some of the hills ire quite high, and In several Instance UANCHHSTKR, IT., J A It., the tops of two hills, which are 400 feet in height, are lee than 2K) feet apart Often a cornfield, which begins down In a gully, will ruu up several hundred feet lu the course of a few rods, ind several farmers have beeu killed by falling off their cornfields. The cltlxena of Clay County are al most all the descendant! of people who settled there In 1770 or thereabouts. Strangers are not encouraged to move luto the county, aud there Is nothing to attract Immigrants, even If tbey were welcomed. For more thaw a century and a quarter the land has been held by comparatively few families, who have Intermarried until practlcnlly all the population la related lu different de gree of consanguinity. Over much of the country the forest Is still unbroken and untouched, and the hill are full of deep nnd mysteri ous ravines. The only Industries ar the raising of hogs, mules, and corn, some of which la said to lie turned Into moonshine whisky at hidden stills. The people are by nature taciturn and almost sullen. Tbey rarely laugh, and are given to moods and brooding. In personal appearance they are all of tbe tame general type, tall, averaging over S feet, and dark, with black hair and eyes. The women are also tnrge and dnrk, and a few of them have any claims to good lookt. Scattered about among tbe hills and usually near the creeks are the little one-story log cab ins, in which the larger part of Clay County's population lives. These cab in are built In a most primitive man ner, with clay between the logs and a huge clay and stone chimney at one end, which Is often almost as large as the rest of the house. Some of the people of Clay County have Indian blood In their veins. Others are descended from old Scotch border families. Absolute and democratic equality prevails among them all. The power of money Is unknown, probably because there Is so little money within the limits of tbe county. Tbey are di vided Into clans, claiming descent from some common ancestor of distinction, tnd the poorest of tbem Is always ready to hold his own and defend bis honor at the point of a rifle or revolver. To call a man a liar In Clay County means at least one and probably half a dozen deaths. Everybody In tbe county knows everybody else, and It Is taken for granted that a stranger Is either a government officer or a detective look ing for some of the feud warriors. Therefore there are few visitors to Cloy County, and those who go once are not at all likely to return a second time. Every Clay County boy has a rifle by the time he Is 15 and In many cases be has taken part In one or more of the feud battles before be has reached that age. Tbey are all good shots and they keep up to the times In the line of the latent and most Improved weapons. A favorite amusement In Clay County Is the shooting out of cabin windows by a party of prominent citizens riding their mules home through the hills after partaking freely of "corn Juice." With this knowledge of the country and Its people It Is easier to understand bow a feud like that one which has Just come to nn end might And Its be ginning In a trivial cause and be con tinued for years, being banded down from generation to generation. In 1844 Dr. Aimer Baker, a promi nent physician of Clay County, shot and killed hi brothcr-ln-lnw, Daniel Biites. Dr. Buker engaged as bis at torney Daniel Garrard, the bead of one of the great families of the county snd the son of the second Governor of the State, Hugh White, a man of al most equal prominence, took tbe lead ing part In Baker's prosecution. Dr. Baker was convicted and finally hung. Ever since that time the Garrard fami ly, oue of the few wealthy families of the county, lias backed the Bakers in all their troubles, while the Whites, who for years have controlled all the county offices, have always been ready to espouse tbe cause of the people who for the time being were fighting the Bakers. For that reason the feud which hut just been ended Is known as the Gar-rard-Baker-Wblte-Howard feud. It be gan Id a quarrel between Tom Baker and A. It. Howard, linker lived with his wife and a family of ten children lu a one story log cabin on Cralu Creek twelve mile from Manchester. How ard, who owned a few bill near by, hired Raker to cut some timber on his land. He did not like the way Ha kit did tbe work and quarreled with hi in about It. An appeal to the ever-ready rifle waa promptly taken. "Tom" Baker and his brothers laid out lu ant bush Ilk Indiana one night and shol snd killed one of Howard's sons and one of bis employes and severely wounded the elder Howard. A not lie t son of Howard waited bis chance and put a bullet through tbe bead of "Tom" Baker's elder brother. "Tom" Rakci took it for granted that Sheriff Wblts had Instigated the killing of his brother snd took the first opportunity to kill Wllllntu I- While, whose crime wsi that he waa the Sheriff's brother. A few days later Gilbert Garrard, son ol tbe present head of tbe Garrard family, was shot at from ambush aa be was riding bis mule home from church. Ill escaped unhurt and took ocraslou tc move out of the county. But his fathei was made of sterner stuff. When noti fied that as the backer of tbe Bakers h was In danger of assassination he hired a nephew of "Tom" Baker aud a negr man to guard hia premises at nlgbl with dogs snd rifle. Within two week! after the guard waa set both of th meu were shot and killed from am bush. Meanwhile Sheriff White waa mak ing efforts to arrest "Tom" Baker fot the murder of his brother. But llnkei did not like the Idea of falling luto tht hands of tbe White-Howard faction. Accordingly he took to the hills, where man might hide for years with abso lute security. Finally the State lent hundred militiamen, armed to the teeth and accompanied by galling gun, up Into Clay County to force Baker's sur render and to protect him from the vio lence of tbe opposing faction. Baker surrendered and waa taken under guard to Manchester, where he was confined Id a guard tent pitched In the courthouse yard and surrounded by th troops. Half an hour before tbe rase was to be called for trial he stopped to the front of the tent to look around Instantly a shot rang out, coming from the house of Sheriff White, directly across the street, snd "Tom" Baker fell linrk dead Into the arms of bis wife. Almost before he bad gasped his last and before the startled militiamen had recovered from their surprise and bor- I , PE TYPICAL BOMS IK Till I'lOKOM BOOST. ror, Mrs. linker, the newly mnde widow, called her ten children around the iKxly of their father and there swore each of them never to rest until the death had been avenged. Then "hell bust loose In Clay," is they soy on the other side of the Ohio. Both the Gsrrnrd-Baker and the White Howard factions hired and armed a number of men to fight for them, pay ing fl a dny and ammunition, bacon, and com bread lu plenty for such ser vices. Now the word comes from London that more than twenty of these pro fessional fighters have enlisted In the Cnlted States army and that old Gen. Garrard, once a distinguished Federal cavalry lender, has given his word to Judge Beverly White that the feud shall come to nn end. Menial Innooence. The stupidity of servants Is a trial to tbe most even-tempered mistress, but It sometimes serves to amuse the other members of the household. There was a girl who belonged to the familiar category of "children and fools." "If anyone should call this afternoon, Mary, ssy that I sm not well," said a mistress to a newly engaged servant, "I'm afraid I ato a little too much of that rich pudding for dinner, and It, or something else, has brought on a se vere headache. I sm going to lie down." A few moments later the mistress, from her room at the head of the stairs, heard Mary say to two aristocratic la dles who called for the first time: "Yes'm, Mrs. B Is at home, but she ate so much pudding for dinner she hod to go to bed." London King. First Railroad Incorporation. Tbe first railroad act of Incorporation granted by any slato In the Union was given by the Maryland Legislature to the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad Com pany on Feb. 2S, 1827. On April 24 of the same year the first railroad company In the United ritates organ ized as the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad Compnny. Peter Cooper on Aug. 2X, 1830, made the first Journey from H. tlmore to F.lllcott's Mills. A Remarkable. Request, There are some curious documents filed In the county olllces In St. Joseph, Mich. Perhaps t.he most curious of all Is the v.-i.'l ui a prominent Mies town ship former, who went to cliilm tils fu ture reward some years before tlio Civil War. Tbe remarkable part about the will Is a passage leaving CO cents to bis daughter's husband "to buy a rope to hang his d self with." There Is nothing a loafer enjoys bet ter than looking wise on election night when returns are coming in, OUK BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS 8AYINQS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes snd Jokelets that Are ftapaoeed to Have Heea Recently tWa-Kjla aad tolna that Are Old, I urloas aad I Laaahable-The Week's Huaor, "Sometime," said Senator Sorghum, , pensively, "I ant Inclined to look on I w hat some people rail honesty as downright egotism." j "l don't quite understand you." "Well, 1 don't know aa I ran make It alwolutely dear. But I have alwaya gone on th principle that every man has his price." "So I have observed." j "Well, sir. Ihe bids (hat soiu people JiMve refused would Indlrat a self vsl gallon w hich deserves to be character Ised by no less an epithet than 'Inor dinate vanity.' "-Washington Stsr. Ksanaerated, ) C.ahb-Htretclilt told me that he once saw four bens' eggs which weighed a ' pound each. ! Blabb-l think It's sn Instance of ' sggs agoratlon.-Ohlo State Journal. Msve Hlntwlf Away, Merchant -Are your habit sll cor rect ? Applicant for 1'osltlon-Yes, sir. Merchant (after a pansel-Do you drink) Applicant (absently! Thanks. Don't care If I do. t'umheraoaie. "Do you consider It good taste for n woman who marries to retain her for mer name and merely add her hus band's to It r "Certainly not," snswered the lady from Chicago. 'There Is a charming friend of mine, a grasa widow, who, oiuler such a system, would Iw known as Mrs. Kill Jeuklnsliy Ntnlth Thomp son Brown Miullhers snd several inure that 1 can't remenilier."-Washington Star. soniirvTife. Ctoseflat - Does your wife eternally pester you for money? (irnsjilt No, the people she buys things from do that.-Ohio State Jour nal. Ro Wan d Ther A'l, "It's easy enough to tell," remarked tbe girl In the fur jacket, "that niro write the paragraphs In Ihe newspa pers. They are slwsys putting In little slurs on women." "I'd rather have any man write shout me than to have some other woman do It," replied the girl with the retrousse nose.-Chlcsgo Tribune. Shorter P'oce, Mrs. f'hiigwater Joslah. the paper says $'.lsi,fMHi worth of onts changed hands In few minutes. How could they do all that In so short a time? Mr. Chngwater-The oats didn't real ly change hsnd. The cash changed porkets. A woman oughtn't to try to understand these things. They're away beyond tier-Chicago Tribune. Well, llnrdljr Kver. Falth-I wouldn't marry the best man In the world. HopeOf course not, you goose, The bride never marries the lwt man. I'lillsdelphla Bulletin. I "Isn't this a queer sjiot to plant seeds, III tie boy?" ! "We ain't plnntln no seeds. Tlieso i sre InJIn relics for the summer board- era to tliid,"-The King. Peculiarities, "What kind of a man Is your em ployer?" asked one young man. "OH, lies peculiar," answered the other, "lie thinks that simply liecnuso he has satisfied his customers and made money he knows more about bow his business ought to lie run than I do,"-Washlngton Star. (nntraillcte '. ''Here's a scientist who stys that we think wllh one-half of our brain," "Well, I could show him somo people who don't." ruck. Canaht, She-Do you believe In this theory nlMiut spreading disease by kissing? He-Well, they gay (here's something In It. "Did you ever catch anything by klxKlng a girl?" "Yes, once; her fiUhcr saw me at It," Yonkers Statesman. Farce Comedy. "I see the druggists are forming a trust to maintain retull prices." "Tho stage Is not tbe only place where one finds furce-coniedy." Ohio State Journal. More Peductlve. "Sec here," said the lobbyist of the future, "I want you to secure the vote of Mrs, State Senator Jones, of the 'Sieetith district. You ought to get It for $100." "O! my!" exclaimed his female as sistant, "I wouldn't think of offering her that." "Yon don't mean to say she'll want more?" "01 no. I'll offer her $08.08."-Phll-detyhla Press. 0la ladUpeasahle, Town I've seen Gssley vert ntghta recently with his field gins, t wonder what hia game Is. llrown-0! he's calling on Mis Kul cher, of Boston. Towue-The Idea! Wbst does bs car ry field glasses for? Browne-He doesu't. II merely uses tha rssa to rarry a dictionary lu. I'hlladelphla Press. knw Mini lletter. Mr. Callcr-Hiirely, you're not Jeal ous of your husband? Mrs. Chellus-Yes. Ism. lie simply csu't keep his eye off the womeu. Mrs. Cailer-O! ye, he csn. You should see him some time when b ha a seat In a crowded street cer.-rblla-delphla Press. Itearlt HnaaM Kanwledae. Itlvers-Thls "Order of Ihe BuffaloW only shows that the fools ir W1 U dead yet. Rrook-Yra? How much did It cost you to Join? -Chlcsgo Tribune. Te lleTrtda'l !" "These cigars, said tho dealer, "sre the kind Seuslor Lotsmuu smoke." "Hut Senator Lotsuiuu has sworn off from smoking." the customer reminded him. "Well, this Is the kind hs swore oft from."- Chicago Tribune, In CM. First Natlve-And the mlsslouarle wsul eoutpeiwMitlou for Ihelr property. Second Native-Dear me! Haven't they a text thai If a man lakes yuur coat you are to give bliu your cloak, also? - Puck. Two Walliaa lor Him, Rowndert -Well,, there's one lime st lesst when a fellow s sincerely glad that he's not a HygninUt. aud that's when he romes hmu late from tin club. De Ksnter-Well, on such occasions I Invariably see apparent evidence thai I'm it least i bigamist." Philadelphia Press, The Ceres af Mlrh "Do you find the poselon of a largo sum of nmnry occasions worry?" said tbe luiulsillv man. "I do," answered the millionaire. "What sort of worry?" "Worry for fear somebody Is going lo gel It awsy from me." Washington Star. A t'areles kemsrk, "I am really afraid you hurt that tc lor's feelings," said Miss Cayenne. "In what way?" "You tald be played bis part very well, You know be Is very sensitive, snd by using the word 'part,' be may have thought you were trying lo Imply that he Is not (lie whole show." Wsshlugton Stsr. Mlldlna fValefr Weddla Keee, KrastiisPnwsuii, what you' charge toe marry me an' Mary Jane? Parson Twenty dollars. Krastus- Lo'd. dnt's high. What yu' charge to marry me to 'l.lxa Siulf? Parson-One dollar. Yo' sec, I s.l minus Mary Jane luahself. A Mo lest H itie', Mrs. Chatterton- should like to go shopping this afternoon. Chstterton -But, honest, my dear, I haven't got a dollar In my pocket. Mrs. Chstterton lllgli'lyl -Oh, well, then, you might give me ninety elglit cents.- Puck. No Wander, "I got Into an srgiuiieiii with lllggett coining home lu a crowded car lat night a txl It didn't take me long to make liliu acknowledge the corn." "You don't mean It, really?" "Yes; I accidentally trod on bis foot." -Philadelphia Press. Just the 'averse. Fresh I hesr our "varsity team Is going lo piny with the llrooklyu leaguers next week. Soph No, I'm afinlit the leaguer are going lo piny with uur team,-Philadelphia Press. An Unwilling Victim, First Reporter I gilesn I'll take s Ilttlo of your tulmcro, If you don'l mind. Second Rcpnrtr-r-1 don't enre how little you take.- Sommervllle Journal. I'srn los c il, Qulzzer You say you don't bellevsj' In aerial navigation? y , Cy Nick No. . Qnlr.zor-But what about these people you hear of walking on a!r?Oliln Stale Journal. An Indlcntlnn, He How Innocent Miss Prlscllla Isl She blushes at everything I say to her. She That Isn't Innoceuca, that's re finement. Life. Another Illusion Destroyed. "I wish yon hadn't had your hnlr cut so short, Harold," exclaimed the young woman, turning from him Involun tarily. "What difference does that make, dearest?" asked Harold with tender anxiety. "You-you have destroyed an Illu sion," she sighed. "That Is all," "You didn't think I was a poet, did you, Clara, because I wore my hair long?" "No, I never suspected you of being a poet." "Nor nn artist?" "No," "Then, what Illusion have I de stroyed?" be asked. "Perhaps I should sny, Harold," she answered, with tears In her voice, "Hint yon have unconsciously revealed a fact I never suspected, dear. Yours ears don't mntclil"-Slray Slorles. t'ollriro-llrod Men. According to recent statistics, there Is one man In nliout COO In tho United States who receives a college training. Craiy men aud fools are poor Inst'rue-J v ton. 4) , . v asswAWiliMu